Everything Is A Relationship

Douglas Bryant White

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Did you know everything in our life is a Relationship? Think about it for a minute. There is the relationship you have with yourself. The relationship you have with your parents. (even if you don’t have a relationship with them, or never did, it’s still a relationship. I’ll explain later…) The relationship with your kids, with your bed, with your home, or the place you reside. The relationship with your pets and all your co-workers. How about the relationship you have with your clothes or your technology? Even the relationship you have with emotions. It’s ALL a relationship.

This is what I’m getting at with this first part. We live in a vibrational world and we are vibration. There is a natural and beautiful intelligence to this world. Something that we can’t necessarily taste or touch or smell (unless you find chocolate cake to be under this category) but something we can absolutely feel in our bodies, in our hearts, in every ounce of our being. This intelligence, this guidance, that we feel, allows us to shape and mold all parts of our being simply by being more aware of our relationship with everyone and everything. (and by everyone and everything I really mean the relationship with you but I’m trying to prove a point. I’ll explain this later too…)

Let me interject this into the equation. Did you know that solid matter appears and disappears at the sub-atomic level? Popping in and out of existence from one moment to the next? Now I don’t want to geek out on quantum physics here or turn everyone off but this is quite an amazing thing to know about and ponder.

How does this have anything to do with relationships you ask and why did I bring it up?

Take a walk with me for a moment. If the statement above is true (and it is) then what the heck is keeping all this stuff in front of us in existence?

Us, human beings, WE ARE.

Our attention to anything is what brings it into or brought it into existence in the first place. And then our continued attention to it is what keeps it there. Even more specific, the way we feel towards all of it is what is creating the joyful or not so joyful experiences in our life.

If everyone and everything is in our lives by our attention to it (or focus upon it) and by the way we feel about all these things we can shape the type of experiences we are having with all this stuff, How do we create better relationships with all this stuff? How do we create better relationships in our life? If we hold the power to create our life AND how we feel is a huge part of what is shaping our life AND everything is about relationships, then isn’t this like the most important question in the history of the world?

You should respond with a resounding, YES!

So now what? What can we do so we can get our lives back under our control and realize it was always that way in the first place? And so that we can have amazing relationships at every turn.

Disclaimer: If you choose to read the rest of this article I just wanted to give you a heads up. You’re going to have to take a look inside. Yup, big surprise, right? Oh, and not only that, you’re going to have to get in touch with how you feel. You’re going to have to want to be more aware of how you feel. Oh and worst of all, you’re going to have to want to do something about it. If you are up for all that, then let’s move on.

1. The relationship between you and you HAS to be the most important thing to you.

2. Give everyone and everything in your life the benefit of the doubt.

3. Go back to #1 and repeat until you croak.

I know this seems basic as all get out but it is so true. Look at it this way, when I first started this article I was kinda trying to overwhelm you with some of the thoughts. For example, the thought about everything is a relationship. What I wanted you to do is go, “Wow, everything IS a relationship. Holy Shit! Does that mean I have to control everything and everyone around me and all the things I am thinking about at all times? That’s impossible!” If you asked that question or thought a thought anywhere near that, maybe I’ll be able to convince you of the 3- step process from above.

What if I said the way for you to tend to all the relationships that exist in your life is simply by attending to how you feel inside from moment to moment?

You don’t even need, for the most part, to even bring another person or being into that equation. Right here, right now, and how you are feeling inside is all you need.

By tending to you and how you feel and wanting or having the intention to feel as good as possible as consistent as possible, THAT is tending to all of the relationships that exist in your world.

How is this so?

Because how you feel consistently IS shaping the way you look at ALL the relationships in your life and it’s setting up how you will act or respond once any of them come into your awareness at any point in time.

We have all experienced this before. When we are happy we either love everyone and everything around us or we simply keep our attention off the things we don’t like cause we want to stay happy. Then when we are upset some of those same people or things we loved don’t feel so lovely anymore. And those things we kept our attention off of cause they didn’t feel so good, that ain’t happening anymore either. They show up over and over seemingly inserting themselves in our life just to keep us being bothered.

So instead of attempting the toughest juggling act of all time by trying to be aware and balance how you are thinking about everyone and everything, let’s just start with ourselves. You as an individual, take care of that first. Then see how it assists you with everything else.

Here is another way to look at it. Remember when we spoke earlier about the natural and beautiful intelligence of the world? How you can’t taste or touch or smell it but you can feel it? That’s what we are talking about here. It’s this feeling inside of you, this tending to that feeling and knowing when you feel this way you are flowing with the natural intelligence of this Universe. And when you feel not so good you know you are denying yourself that alignment with who you really are. This is only about the relationship between you and you. You can’t get this connection consistently by attempting the juggling act of pleasing everyone around you.

That’s when #2 comes along. Give everyone and everything in your life the benefit of the doubt.

We already know that we will lack focus at times and step outside ourselves and start to worry about or judge or doubt or blame others. That’s why #2 is in place. Just let them all off the hook. Give them all the benefit of the doubt. No matter how bad they made you feel or how wrong they did you, just keep giving them the benefit of the doubt. Make any story up you can in your head so that you can let them off the hook, thereby allowing yourself to feel better.

Now I’m not saying you need to keep everyone in your life. Remember what I said earlier that even how you feel about not having a relationship is still a relationship? That’s where this comes in. You don’t have to want everyone to be your best friend. It’s ok to have some boundaries and balance and not have certain people be by your side or in your life at all. But if you aren’t aware of the way you feel about them NOT being in your life it’s the same thing as them being right there next to you, annoying you. That is a relationship as well. So again, that’s why #2 is in here. If you can give everyone who is in or not in your life for whatever reason, the benefit of the doubt, it gives you back your individual power and freedom. And so now you can get back to the relationship that mattered the most anyways, the relationship between you and you.

I understand there is a lot going on in this article and to sift through it all in a five minute reading is not the easiest thing to do. So I will leave you with a few small points:

  1. Everything in your life is a relationship. The way to tend to all this is through the relationship you have with yourself.
  2. Our attention to anything is what is keeping it present in our life. Your ability to know how you are thinking and feeling about these things in your life is what makes them a joyful or joyless experience when they get here.
  3. Take some time this week and really ponder this thing I mentioned as natural intelligence. This feeling place you have inside you. Allowing you to know where your thoughts are taking you. Closer to who you really are or further away.
  4. The relationship between you and you is the most important thing you could ever attend to.
  5. Give everyone else in your life the benefit of the doubt. No matter what!
  6. Rinse and repeat until you croak.

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Douglas Bryant White

Doug White, former Major League Pitching Coach, current perspective coach and consultant who felt like writing and sharing my voice